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Night Three

It’s now night 3 of 6. Six straight days — er, nights — covering the ICU patients here at one of the local county hospitals. Night 1 was great. Occasional calls here and there from nurses for little things that did not require much brain power. I am also working with an intern. He is covering the non-ICU patients. Night 1 went well for him too. I think I saw him watching tv shows on his iPad during the down time.

Night 2 was definitely busier for the both of us. For me, there was one patient who pretty much required my attention the entire night. And when I finally failed at placing a functional arterial line, I had to go call Anesthesia to help me place it. And then while they were at bedside, I asked if they could also intubate my patient as well. Later, as the early morning hours rolled around, I was about to place a central line. I had collected the consent and all the necessary materials. I had the ultrasound machine ready. However, the patient was still moving around so I asked that the sedation be turned up and I would return shortly.

I never did return. Because while I was waiting for increased sedation, I got another call for a patient on the other side of the ICU. Apparently they were having non-convulsive seizures through much of the night and the EEG tech was notifying us. Six in the morning. The patient had already been well loaded with dilantin, a type of anti-seizure medication the night before. However, despite the dilantin, the seizures continued. I considered adding another medication at a constant infusion via IV. The caveat, though, is that a constant infusion of versed (the medication I was considering) requires a patient to be intubated because it can depress the respiratory function.

I did not want to make that decision alone, though. So I paged the on-call neurologist. Unable to get a response, I finally paged the neurologist who would come on call at 8 AM. She advised against the versed infusion and suggested a different regimen. By the time this was sorted out, the day teams had already began showing up and I signed out the events of the night to them.

Tonight I am writing this on night 3. The call team admitted at least one very sick, ICU patient. At this point we have come up with a plan and we will continue to see how the patient does over the course of the night.

While I generally dislike working nights, there are some things that are nice.

I just have to focus on those niceties for another 3 nights.

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County Life

This month is my first of two months rotating at one of the local county medical centers. It is very different than either of the other two hospitals in which we find ourselves.

Traditionally it has been called our “senior capstone” experience — acting as the senior resident at the county.

The patient population is diverse. Sick patients walking daily with strange diagnoses.

At night, we find ourselves mostly on our own covering the ICU patients.

During intern year, my first rotation was here at County.

It is very strange to find myself back, now in the senior resident position.

They say time flies. I am counting on it.

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Time, Indeed, Does Fly

It amazes me how fast life marches on. I feel like I was just a medical student not too long ago. But here I am in my final year of residency. I have almost completed two months. Ten months remain after this. I have my first fellowship interview this coming Tuesday.

It is amazing how one changes over time. I remember when I started medical school. Like 90% of medical students, I briefly entertained the idea of pursuing a surgical specialty at some point. As it came time to apply for residencies I chose Internal Medicine with the intention of going into primary care. I wanted the long-term relationship with my patients. I wanted to get to know them. I wanted to work with them for the improvement of their overall health.

Interests change. Goals change. As I have gone through residency I feel very comfortable on the inpatient setting. Maybe that is a by-product of a heavily based inpatient Internal Medicine residency. My program produces some fine internists that make great hospitalists. Or maybe it is the result of working in a continuity clinic based at a county hospital mainly seeing underserved patients. Only a handful of my patients have any actual “continuity.” Sometimes it feels like every patient I see is a brand new patient to the system. And sometimes I wonder what ever happened to Mrs. X or Mr. Z. Some say that private practice is different. The patient population is different. Perhaps. But I may never actually find out.

Along the way I have decided to pursue sub-specialization. That means that after I complete this Internal Medicine Residency, I will hopefully complete my time as a resident and begin my time as a fellow in an Internal Medicine subspecialty. Of course, there is the chance I won’t match. So for the time being, allow me some privacy. Once (or if) I become a fellow, I will talk about it then.

If I don’t become a fellow I will be able to begin practicing medicine as an attending. That is a weird thought. It’s comfortable NOT having the final say. It’s easier when the decisions and responsibilities don’t fall on your shoulders alone.

The rest of the year promises to be challenging. But I should probably enjoy the ride. Because before I know it, this year will be done.

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MICU to Heme/Onc — What a Change

After a month of intensity on the MICU, I have switched to the Hematology and Oncology service.

I won’t lie. The first few days after Switch Day I realized that I missed the intensity and the severity we had on an hourly basis with critically ill patients. It was like coming off of an adrenaline rush.

There are few Heme/Onc emergencies that require a response from the team immediately. I have explained to teams requesting a consult that their request was placed quite late in the day after we have completed rounds, and since it is not an urgent matter, we will see the patient in the morning.

I have been consulted on masses found incidentally or not-so-incidentally on imaging. Masses that are highly suspicious for malignancy. After seeing the patients, I write my recommendations: Please obtain a tissue biopsy. If stable for discharge, patient can follow up in Heme/Onc clinic as an outpatient. (Of course, there are frequently other specific tests I might ask for.)

Sayonara. See you later. Thanks for your question.

I don’t mean to sound or appear callous about patient’s with cancer. I appreciate the gravity of the subject matter. I know it often sounds like a death sentence when the diagnosis falls upon a patient’s ears for the first time. And the second. And sometimes, even the third. I know how it affects the family of the patient. I know they are scrambling for news, grasping for hope. I know how it feels because I was one of those family members when my mom was diagnosed with cancer while I was in college. So don’t misunderstand me. I don’t downplay the significance or the weight of what I deal with now that I am on the Hematology and Oncology service.

I just mean that the energy required of me is a lot less.

The intensity of the critical care unit takes it’s toll emotionally, psychologcially and physically.

I sleep a bit more now. I have time to read more now. And yesterday, I even had time to go discuss a research project with an attending.

It’s a good thing that residency affords these highs and lows. I don’t think I would survive 100% of either level.

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Again, MICU

This year I was one of the “lucky” residents who were assigned two MICU months and two CCU months.

I am finishing my 2nd year of residency in the MICU. It has been a long and exhausting month. My last call was probably my most emotionally draining one.

The call day had ended and I soon found the MICU empty of other residents. I was the senior left on duty. Around 10 pm, one of the nurses came up to me and told me that an arterial line was no longer functioning properly. The line was needed as the patient was on a couple medications to support her low blood pressure and the arterial line provided an accurate measure of her blood pressure. This patient also needed frequent blood draws to check her pH, CO2, O2, and HCO3 levels in her blood.

I asked the nurse to get things ready and I would attempt to try and place another line. After notifying the attending, I started scouring the MICU for our ultrasound machine. Knowing that the patient was on pressors (medication to maintain blood pressure), I figured her artery might be small and I would use any help I could get.

To make a long story short, I made 3 attempts with the help of the ultrasound. First attempt I got a red flash of blood in my catheter that indicated I had hit the vessel. However I could not successfully advance the guide wire. As I re-checked the location of the vessel on the ultrasound, I realized that her vessels were clamping down even tighter. I had to try further up her arm for attempts #2 and #3.

After three attempts I threw in the towel. I paged my attending and asked for help. He came back and suggested we try a femoral arterial line instead of one in her wrist. Having never placed one I was eager to at least try. In the end, though, the attending ended up placing one.

Minutes later, the patient would code. She went pulseless and chest compressions were immediately started. We brought her back. But she would do it again later that night. The second code was not successful. And in the early morning hours I phoned sleepy relatives to deliver the fatal news.

The following morning as rounds began, one of my interns notified me that Mrs. X had approached him. She wanted to withdraw life support on her husband. She would later do so and request that the intern and attending be present as they disconnected him from the medications and ventilator that kept his body alive for the past week.

I watched as she wailed and cried over her husband’s body. And slowly and quietly we walked away; because we had to move on to other sick patients.

We moved on to a room where a young body lay motionless. A mother was hysterical saying that it was “too soon.” There wasn’t a dry pair of eyes in that room as our team walked in. And I watched as my attending deliver blow after verbal blow. The patient was past any intervention. There was no surgery or medication left to try. Expected reflexes were absent. There were no signs of spontaneous breathing; the patient was fully dependent on the ventilator. Our medical advice to the family? Withdraw life support. Despite initial vehement protestation by a grieving mother, the family finally made the decision to withdraw life support late that day.

One of the family members looked right at us and said, “I don’t know how you can do this every day.”

Sometimes, I wonder that too.

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ASN Kidney Week 2013

Earlier this year Dr. S, the program director for our nephrology fellowship, found me in the hallway. He told me about the annual Kidney Week conference put on by the American Society of Nephrology (ASN). For the past few years they have been offering an increasing number of travel grants to residents and medical students who are interested in the field of nephrology. Fortunately, my program director thougth of me as I am definitely interested in nephrology. He told me if I wanted to try and apply, he would help me with the application process. Apparently, each applicant must be nominated by an ASN member and then provide two letters of recommendation as part of the application.

It was supposed to be held in November in the city of Atlanta, GA. Fortunately, I had already requested one of my weeklong vacations for the exact time period — and it was already approved. Unfortunately, I heard about the travel grant about 1 week before the deadline. Long story short, I applied and received the travel grant.

Fast forward to November and I found myself traveling cross-country to Atlanta, GA. I had never attended any national medical association meetings in the past so there was some excitement and curiosity about the unknown. I was definitely overwhelmed by the sheer size of the location. There was just so many nephrologists, nephrology fellows packed into the daily plenary sessions. The exhibit floors were always busy with booths from various companies set up. It was definitely easy to get lost in there.

I was really grateful for the opportunity to attend. As a resident in a rather large university-based program I was surprised but really happy that a sub-specialty program director sought me out for this. I think it goes to show how much contact you get with your attendings here. And how much they want to help you get into fellowships that interest you.

I cannot over emphasize how important it is to find a residency that fits you. I definitely am not at the most prestigious university program, but I do know that, for the most part, I work with attendings who also care about our careers as well as the patients we treat.

*****

In the comments section of my previous post I did write that I wanted to think about and write a post about the number of hours we work as residents. I have not forgotten about it. And I still do intend to write a post about resident work hours.

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M, I See You

I have not been a very faithful poster on here. And I am sorry for that. It can be quite cathartic when I do post. Other times it is an amazing tool to vent or process the jumble of thoughts and emotions that plague me on almost a daily basis. Other days, I feel mindless and numb. To use the old cliche, it’s an emotional roller coaster. I’d like to begin this post by sharing a quote by Dr. Atul Gawande:

The simple view is that medicine exists to fight death and disease, and that is, of course, its most basic task. Death is the enemy. But the enemy has superior forces. Eventually, it wins. And, in a war that you cannot win, you don’t want a general who fights to the point of total annihilation. You don’t want Custer. You want Robert E. Lee, someone who knew how to fight for territory when he could and how to surrender when he couldn’t, someone who understood that the damage is greatest if all you do is fight to the bitter end.

I spent the entire month of September on the Medical Intensive Care Unit (MICU). The last time I had been there was last year — also in September — during my intern year. It was a new experience coming on as the senior resident. Fortunately for me, and the patients, there is an MICU fellow and attending above me. There are also usually a slew of experienced RNs more than willing to share their accumulated wisdom. Unfortunately, there are also less experienced ones who freely give away things as well. But that may be a topic for another time.

Prior to the month on MICU, I knew that I would be spending every 4th night at on the unit covering all the patients from the two teams. At capacity, that would be about 30 critically ill patients. I knew, also, that the month would include my fair share of very sick patients who ultimately lose their fight against death.

The very practical part about dealing with death when you are the senior resident on call is that someone has to do a death exam. Someone has to pronounce the time of death. And at my institution, that someone must be a licensed physician. Otherwise, you have to look around to other services to help you out in pronouncing. And you don’t want to have to call the Surgical Intensive Care Unit (SICU) attending to pronounce an expected death.

My license arrived in the mail about a week before I came onto the MICU service. And so I entered into the month with at least one less worry.

As the month began and I survived through my first week, I noticed I was averaging one death per on-call night. I supposed it was better than averaging one cardiac arrest per on-call night like one of the other senior residents. Though grim, pronouncing an expected death was a lot more peaceful than running towards a code blue at whatever god-forsaken hour of the night. Fortunately, I didn’t keep up with the 1-death-per-overnight-call rate.

It was definitely an adventure — albeit a tiring one. I had amazing interns and an awesome co-resident. My interns worked their butts off. I watched as they slogged through the long hours and always tried to smile and help with whatever they could. Towards the end of the month, both my co-resident and I thought we could see them burning out. It happens frequently on the MICU month. I tried offering words of encouragement where I could; admittedly I am not the greatest at it.

I remember when I was an intern going through my MICU month. I often felt like I was drowning and always trying to catch up. I hope that they were able to learn from their experience. I hope I was able to contribute to that learning. After all, teaching them is supposedly one of my responsibilities as a senior resident.

As expected with such a sick population, there were many cases in which I wished we could do more. We had our victories. We also had our losses. Regardless of the outcome, though, we had our lessons. And hopefully, they were lessons that have made us better doctors.