That swell feeling…

Today.. for the first time since I have been seeing patients… I felt like tears were possible; I felt that if I allowed it, MY tears would flow. Or at least trickle out. Not because I was being an idiot and getting berated by an attending. But because of the pain in the family members standing inside a dying patient’s room.

For a moment I felt the tears begin to swell. And I turned away, took a second, and kept my composure.

I have been in sad situations before. But this was the first time it (almost) got to me.